Finding My Way : Drugged?

Yesterday evening was quite an eventful evening for me as I was just about to fall asleep on my bed at 6pm when I was awakened by a phone call from Marisa.

"Could you come over to pick up some of his clothings?" she asked.

"Err, well, why can't you give it to him yourself?" I replied, puzzled as I didn't want to be involved in the whole fiasco.

"I don't want to be reminded of him and I don't want to see him again", she said.

So I thought to myself, ok, I'm just gonna go pick up some of his stuff and get back home as I had earlier promised to cook us some dinner. I put on a lengthy shirt and my pair of jeans with a pair or white heels and left for her place. Little did I know what was on her mind when she opened the door to her house. Wine bottles were spread out on the table and the tv was connected to this strange contraption which was playing karaoke music.

She coyed me into drinking wine with her as she didn't have any whisky in the house. For those who has known me, they all know that whisky is my drink. Give me as much whisky as possible and nothing much would have happened to me. Well, besides the fact that I probably would have gotten a little bit drunk but then hey, I'd never pass out on whisky.

I remembered drinking my fourth glass of wine whilst singing to the song , All My Life by Kc and JoJo with them singing along with me. Ok, I have to admit, it was quite fun and I was enjoying her company. I was ready to grab his stuff when she cunningly lead me into her bedroom to 'talk'. Ok, I thought it was nothing and I thought that it was going to be somthing innocent.

The last thing I remembered was talking her into wearing a black singlet and a pair of skirt. When I woke up, I was at someone else's house. How was that possible? I couldn't remember a thing about what has happened.

Apparently while I was at the bathroom talking on the phone, I had already made plans to go home, cook dinner and then not wanting to go to Harvester's Pub as I had been hanging out there for the past week, noon to night. After coming out from the bathroom and having a drink from my glass, I can't recall what happened after. Perhaps that was an opportunity for her to add something to my drink.

The following day I was trying really hard to piece the puzzles together, wearing Marisa's dress and her bra. I couldn't recall taking my shirt and jeans off. I was puzzled. I thought so hard the whole day and I could only get a brief flashback of her kissing me.

She texted him and admittedly told him that she did take advantage of me while putting the blame on me stating that I was drunk. It made me wonder, how could I have possibly gotten drunk and pass out after only four glasses of wine? Apparently she deliberately made me 'drunk', brought me to Harvester's Pub knowing the fact that everyone there knew me, and made me look like a drunkard fool in front of everyone.

It made me think. Why would she want to do that? I never harmed her, never spoke bad things about her and even offered to take care of her with no intentions whatsoever when she was drunk at Harvester's before. The anger in me wanted to just rip her apart but then would I want to stoop as low as her doing what she did to me? I don't think so. Unlike her, I have class and I don't have to spike someone else's drink in order to get back at someone who didn't do anything to me.

So for everyone else reading this, please be careful when you are out drinking with people you trust or don't trust. You never know what they might do to you.

Finding My Way : Lost In Life

Have you ever felt where your life is spinning so fast that you can hardly see the images of people's faces clear enough to recognise them? All the people surrounding you, smiling, laughing, frowning at you but yet, you could hardly recognize the expressions on their faces?

Imagine this, you are alone, standing on the sidepath in a subway in Central London. Everyone's going on their business, rushing, walking at fast pace and shoving without even a word of "Excuse me". You are still in the same spot as you were. You know where you are at...which station and you are aware of the destination you should be going towards but then there are so many trains to take. So many people to shove aside and so many paths to take. But then again, you are unsure of whether you should take it or not.

This was how I was feeling last week. I realised I was so lost in life. I am currently surviving in a battle field. (Okay, I do realize I am living in the Middle East but then I meant metaphorically not literally) I wasn't sure if this life, in a well-paying company which has all the benefits any employee would want was what I wanted. Which comes to the question of, "what is it that I really wanted?"

I wanted a friend, someone to be there for me, instead of the usual guys who just want to get into your pants for the sake of physical pleasure and fun. I wanted someone who could be there for me in times of need. A shoulder to cry on, someone I could depend on and someone who needed me. Unfortunately these are all wishes that only one could hope for.

A couple of years ago I started to cut my arm to release all my frustrations and anger. It made me realise how the physical pain that I was able to endure was better off than the emotional pain I had to go through. The last time I cut myself was a year ago. When I was going through a massive breakdown, I had long straight hair which flowed all the way to the tip of my tailbone and lost massive weight. I survived only on KFC's dinner box which was a 3 piece chicken for 3 months. I lost 4kgs within those 3 months.

I stopped cutting my arm for a year and learned to control my temper. Recently I had another episode. Something which I am not proud of, I did it again. The feeling of adrenaline rushing through your veins when the blade pierces through the epidermise of your skin is just so stimulating. The anger would tarnish in the dead silence. Just when the blade pierces through another area of the skin, another surge of release rushed through my body.

Finding My Way : Mr.Geeky-Cute / 50Delta

As I was rostered to do a 9-day trip to Singapore-Brisbane and Auckland all the way from Dubai and back, I as rather exited because I haven't had this flight for a long time. I also wanted to go back to Singapore although that is not my original hometown (it's the next thing closest to home which I had access to). Day by day I counted down to the date in which I was to do the flight.

The day came and I haven't had an ounce of a good night's sleep the night before the flight. Clearly I was not prepared for this 9 day journey. The morning uneasiness broke and I had to drag my feet to the bathroom. I was just so close to calling sick for the flight. After ironing my uniform and preparing all my stuff for my trip, I remembered how my friend has requested for me to help him carry some things over to Singapore for his family. Shoving and stuffing all the crap into my suitcase, I finally managed to close the bag and head off to the briefing centre for work. There were many new faces in the briefing room. I'm not sure if it was the champagne I had the night before that suddenly decided to kick in or the lack of sleep, I was filled with adrenalin rush and was really chirpy (and when i mean chirpy, I mean CHIRPY!)

Broke the silence in the briefing room and made people laugh (at me) as usual, and headed off for the flight. Everyone seemed to be in a really good mood for the flight. Thank God I didn't call sick for this flight seeing that had such a great set of crew.

On the flight to Singapore (1st sector) I was doing my job on the plane and found myself surprisingly helpful and happy. Honestly, I don't know what possessed me but I was more happy than my usual self. After boarding, I was going to the aft of the plane to prepare the rest of the things that had to be prepared. On my way, just one more step to the galley and I was there. My feet were killing me in the horrifying-looking pumps and s I was approaching the last three rows without being addressed "excuse me", I was smiling even wider. One more step and then there it was,"Excuse me?" a timid little voice from my lower left called. It was a guy sitting in the last row right before the galley.

It was Mr.Geeky-Cute. Caucasian, quite long legs, tattered and faded looking jeans with a t-shirt, wearing spectacles with dirty blond hair looking at me. He looked shy and timid so I was more than happy to help him out with any of his queries. Can you imagine if it was a demanding, over-confident, self-obsessed person who was tugging onto my arm while screaming ,"EXCUSE ME!!" into my ear?!? Hell, with my temper, that person would never live an hour on the 7 hour flight.

Mr.Geeky-Cute wanted to know if there was a seat available at the emergency exits to ease his legs throughout the long hauled flight. So I did what I was paid for based on every typical homosapien's perception, I assisted him in finding the seat. Bingo! Found him one, in between a girl and a guy somewhere at the middle of the aircraft. After I found the seat, I was heading back to him to tell him the good news, I was stopped by some of the crews at the mid galley for a coffee. Because I don't drink coffee to boost my energy level, I decided to go with a Coke. Aahh, good old caffein and sugar to boost my energy level at such an absurd hour.

Went back to him, told him the good news, expecting him to be like any other passenger to immediately jump to the opportunity to move to the seat which would allow him to have more legspace, then there it wss, nicely said to me which made me feel like how some passengers just get a kick out of making the crew walk the entire aircraft for fun or revenge,"Oh, I'm comfortable here".

Time passed quickly and after we finished the service, i decided to hang out at the back galley with the rest of the crew. Having something to eat and then passing through some area of turbulence, the plane got really bumpy. I coudn't help but notice Mr.Geeky-Cute was starring into the screen with so much interest. I was sitting on the jumpseat just adjacent to his seat and he turned around to tell me that it was an interesting film. "Okkayy...and this affects me...how??' of course I was polite enough to just agree with him because I had no clue what film he was talking about.

We started getting into a light conversation about what the film was about, who was in it but he didn't know the name of the film. Hmm....so much for the status 'Geeky' in the first place. Nice chap I must admit. But far too geeky. And when I say that I mean by the looks. Hillarious as it sounds but it's true. After a few minutes of clean conversation, the flight was almost over. I thought he would be like any other passenger on any flight which I would never see again. So it didn't really matter to me what he thought of me anyways.

When the aircraft landed in Changi International Airport(Singapore), I was filled with joy and happiness that I was well, almost home. Couldn't wait to get out of the plane, I packed my bags while the passengers were leaving the aircraft. He was one of those in line when I was at the mid galley bidding farewell to the rest of the homosapiens that I would never ever again see or bump into for a long, LONG time. As he was approaching the mid galley, he walked towards me and drawed me aside with his whisperieng. I thought he wanted maybe a pair of socks, or toothbrush or maybe ask which gate to come back to after the half hour transit. But no, none of the above. He told me that it would be nice to have my number to hang out with me sometime in Dubai because he works in Abu Dhabi.

Hmm.... he could be a serial psycopath killer but he looks more timid than he does like some asylum-fugitive. But what the heck, I'll take my chances and gave him my number. I got off from the plane and holding the thought that maybe I won't be seeing him again but it didn't seem to bother me much.

One week after, I was supposed to be operating back from Brisbane to Singapore to Dubai but because I had food poisoning in Brisbane, I was ordered(literally!) by the doctor in Brisbane to fly straight back from Brisbane to Dubai as a passenger. On the flight I was expecting to be sitting alone and sleeping for the rest of the time. So, I got all my stuff ready..pillow = check, journal=check, pens=check, blanket=check,socks=check, bottle of water=check.

Intending to use the lavatory before any of the unruly passengers decided to hogg the toilet with the never-ending time they have on the flight, I rushed there whilst boarding was still in progress. Right after I came out from the lavatory, with both hands dripping wet with water, there he was, right in front of me. Mr.Geeky-Cute. On the same flight as me back to Dubai. Beside me was *Dani, a Bulgarian chick who was with our set of crew. She was eyeing him like a hawk, ready to swoop in at the prey at any unexpected time. She didn't know about my Mr.Geeky-Cute incident.

"You again?!? What are you doing here 50Delta?" I addressed him. He laughed and told me that he was again located at 50D for the entire flight back to Dubai. Thank God I wasn't nasty to him in the previous flight last week. What are the odds of meeting a passenger again on the plane?

We sat together and talked and laughed and very much enjoyed each other's company. I was pleased as my 7 hour flight was pretty entertaining and not just surrounded by snores and pointless chatting with people out of courtesy.

I learned more about him and i suppose he did learn more about me. It was fun meeting him again out of coincidence. *Dani was not too pleased about how we got to talking and enjoying each other's company. Whilst I was at the back galley, she hissed at me "He's MINE!" and it simply amused me at how she was being so territorial yet determined. She tried all sorts of tricks like giving him a toy bag, starting empty conversations with him about how the Captain was also from the same place he's from...bla...bla".

It was funny. I'm glad I get to meet nice people on the flight, the sane ones of course. Most of the time, they're just weird and crazy in some ways.

Finding My Way : My Newfound Adventure - Part 1

Never in my whole life did I imagine myself to have an opportunity to explore the most romantic city in the world, PARIS. On September 17th, I was scheduled to go to London for a squash tournament for one week, representing the airline (in which I got trashed really badly seeing how out of shape I was) and to return to Dubai immediately on the 24th. Who knew that my one week of exploring London would turn out to be more like an amazing race to Paris.

My newfound lover came over to London two days before I was supposed to leave for Dubai. Which was initially supposed to be a two day visit for him to spend time with me (because we don't have the time to spend with each other in Dubai), I gues the both of us longed for more of each other's company and we were both convinced that I should go to Paris with him. It was one of the most spontaneous things I did in my life. No planning, no ticket, no money, no credit cards for emergencies, no accomodation booking, no nothing. Besides, I didn't mind taking the chance because he was going to be with me at all time (at least I hoped he would).

On my flight to Paris, it suddenly dawned on me how crazy I was to be doing something so uncertain and risky, something I wouldn't want to be caught dead for knowing my insecure self. Man, what if something went wrong and I was stuck at the airport for not having any visas or something?! I was shaking out of nervousness and was perspiring cold sweat. I could hear my own heart beating faster and could feel my blood rushing through all veins. It was so nerve-wrecking that I had only two options : stop, turn back abd tell the Emirates staff that I wanted an immediate flight back to Dubai or I could just waltz past the passport control and face whatever that was in store for me in Paris.

The journey from Charles De Gaulle airport to his home took an approximately 40 minutes and I could not help but feel nervous yet excited. He was a big help in assuring me that everything was going to be fine (yeah, right!) Then the moment of truth came. We have reached his family's house. Outside the main gates, I could see a small building structure probably about 200 metres away. The building had a wooden door on each side and I thought, "Ok, this is not so bad, just chill". So I decided to comment on how cute and simple is house was but then later to find out that it was the garage. (DUH!!) That was actually what made me felt even more scared. He directed me towards the back of the garage (which seemed like a house to me) towards the REAL house. I tried taking small steps so it would prolong the time for us both to get to the main door but it seemed like he was rushing towards it. What was supposed to be 10 minutes felt like time just flew past and I was already at the front door. Like any other people, I thought that he wouldn't possibly have the house keys (because he doesn't live there anymore) and would have to press the doorbell. As my eyes were busy searching for the doorbell, his hand spontaneously reached into his right pocket and pulled out a set of keys. Just before I was able to stop him so I could take a deep breath to prepare myself, he swiftly inserted the key into the keyhole and twisted it. The door swung open and a smiling red-headed lady stood there welcomed us.

I stood there in shock as I never did get my 'preparation-breath' and had to put on a smile. As per norm I introduced myself and thanked them for putting my up for the night. Suddenly, a tall figure walking down the staircase on my left appeared and introduced himself as Mr. Yves. For a second I nearly believed in Santa Clause againi but I took a step back to reconsider the fact about Santa and shaving his beard off. It was his father. The couple were most accomodating but I still felt nervous. We were asled to have dinner and they learned more about me, where I came from, how I got to know their son, what culture I was most familiar with, the works. Not long after the conversation, his sister walks in. The whole 'meeting-the-Beurel-family' was such a nerve-wrecking experience for me but they are the nicest people I have ever met.

After dinner the plan was to meet up at Isabel's place for a movie. His other friend came over to pick us up and headed over to her place for some drinks and Constantine. It was a nice relaxing evening I must say. Not bad for a first-hand experience with the locals and their lifestyle. It left me a really good feeling about this foreign land.

Finding My Way : Arsenic

The moment I arrived in Dubai, I decided to get myself something nice to make me happy. I have all proper equipments with me for a couple of months but are merely stored in the cupboard due to my lack of motivation and interest to hook it up.

The phone rang at 1.30pm and I was still groggy from my couple of hours' sleep. I mumbled words stating that I needed another 10 minutes of shut eye and dozed back off. No later than a few minutes of shut eye, the blasted phone started to ring again. I had to drag myself out from under the sheets and make my way to my bathroom to clean myself and freshen up. Mouth and teeth cleaned and rinsed, hair in a mess(as usual), eyes swollen and body aching. I was almost as good as ready. I dragged my weight back to my room and put on my black singlet along with an army-printed mini. I felt too lazy to tackle my footsteps with highheels so I slipped on a pair of my DC skater shoes. Just before I set a foot out the main door, I took a glance of myself in the mirror. "Something's missing..."I couldn't really figure out what was, so I went back to my bedroom only to find my darling pair of Gucci's on the dresser. As I slowly place them on my face to cover my swelling eyes I thought to myself,"Now, I'm ready".

I felt really lazy and lethargic but I just had to drag my feet to the elevator to meet my friend over at his place. After a while of chit-chatting, we decided to leave the house. The heat outside was excruciating and we hurried to the car to spare ourselves from the potential heat-stroke that me might suffer from. After a few minutes of driving around in the 48 degree heat, we found ourselves at a dodgy little store with noisy chirping birds. Then there she was, in a glass frame. I fell in love with her. Immediately I took her home and wrote clearly on a piece of paper for my roomate to see,"A-R-S-E-N-I-C".

Later that night, after a few more outings and a movie, I decided to check on my newfound drug. Then there it was, lying there in the glass container while I just stood there starring into it. Ayda, my roomate came over and screamed her head off when she saw what was in the glass container. "What are you planning to do now?" I replied telling her I wasn't really sure.

We had to flush it down the toilet eventually. We couldn't just throw it in the garbage bin, it's inhumane! We said our goodbyes and went through with it.

By the way, it was a goldfish. Hope it was a good read.