Finding My Way : Arsenic

The moment I arrived in Dubai, I decided to get myself something nice to make me happy. I have all proper equipments with me for a couple of months but are merely stored in the cupboard due to my lack of motivation and interest to hook it up.

The phone rang at 1.30pm and I was still groggy from my couple of hours' sleep. I mumbled words stating that I needed another 10 minutes of shut eye and dozed back off. No later than a few minutes of shut eye, the blasted phone started to ring again. I had to drag myself out from under the sheets and make my way to my bathroom to clean myself and freshen up. Mouth and teeth cleaned and rinsed, hair in a mess(as usual), eyes swollen and body aching. I was almost as good as ready. I dragged my weight back to my room and put on my black singlet along with an army-printed mini. I felt too lazy to tackle my footsteps with highheels so I slipped on a pair of my DC skater shoes. Just before I set a foot out the main door, I took a glance of myself in the mirror. "Something's missing..."I couldn't really figure out what was, so I went back to my bedroom only to find my darling pair of Gucci's on the dresser. As I slowly place them on my face to cover my swelling eyes I thought to myself,"Now, I'm ready".

I felt really lazy and lethargic but I just had to drag my feet to the elevator to meet my friend over at his place. After a while of chit-chatting, we decided to leave the house. The heat outside was excruciating and we hurried to the car to spare ourselves from the potential heat-stroke that me might suffer from. After a few minutes of driving around in the 48 degree heat, we found ourselves at a dodgy little store with noisy chirping birds. Then there she was, in a glass frame. I fell in love with her. Immediately I took her home and wrote clearly on a piece of paper for my roomate to see,"A-R-S-E-N-I-C".

Later that night, after a few more outings and a movie, I decided to check on my newfound drug. Then there it was, lying there in the glass container while I just stood there starring into it. Ayda, my roomate came over and screamed her head off when she saw what was in the glass container. "What are you planning to do now?" I replied telling her I wasn't really sure.

We had to flush it down the toilet eventually. We couldn't just throw it in the garbage bin, it's inhumane! We said our goodbyes and went through with it.

By the way, it was a goldfish. Hope it was a good read.

Finding My Way : Singapore Drug

As I set foot in the doors of Insomnia, I could hear the loud banging of the drums along with the voice of a lady singing to Shakira's latest hit, Hips Don't Lie. The podium was small enough to fit five people and all the other instruments, drum set, guitars, keyboard and a few microphones. Everywhere I turned, there were people dancing to the beat and shaking their sweaty bodies with a glass in their hand.

Joe*, Tim*, Debbie and me made our way to the bar and gathered near the steps which divided the dance floor and the bar. After a round of beers, we decided that maybe it was best if we had ordered a bottle of Chivas. Nothing beats a night of loud music and some liquid gold running down our thirsty throats. As I looked around, I could see many people haing a good time, moving their body to the beat and downing their drinks. Some were trying to chat up some girls, some were trying to hook up young guys... Debbie and the two guys were having fun chatting away, getting to know each other as I was just merely observing everyone. There were people who didn't care what others thought of them,while there were some who were too concious about what others think of them.

I have finished my drink and decided to return the glass to the bartender. As I made my way to the bar, I could see that there was a person with short hair sitting on the stool which was there. Next to him was another guy who was just enjoying his drink alone. They didn't seem like they were there together. Not bothered by the thought of why they were there, I squeezed in between and reached my arm out to return the glass. Then there it was, a song that the band was playing, Sweet Child. As I moved my body away from the bar, the guy turned towards me and leaned in towards my ear and said simultaneously with the band,"Where do we go now?" I was stunned. The first thing that came into my mind was , "Don't you have a better pick up line?". I was so close to bursting out with laughter that I didn't want to seem rude so I forced a smile out of me.

I approached my ring of friends, nervously asking if there was a phone call for me. I was expecting to meet a very old friend that night. She had set up a meet at that bar because her friend had booked a table there. I had not seen my friend Jac* in over 6 years. I was nervous and excited. I didn't really know what to expect. After a few minutes, Tim* leaned over and conveyed the message to me,"She's waiting at the entrance". At that time I was filled with relief and at the same time I was really nervous as well. I walked towards the entrance of the club and looked around frantically. Has she lost weight? Maybe she put on some weight. Maybe she did cosmetic surgery and she had her skin bleached. I was so nervous I couldn't really see where I was going.

Then there she was, in all white with a black polka-dotted sash round her waist. She looked amazing! She still looked the same as before, skinny but more beautiful. I was so stunned I didn't know how to react. Next thing I knew I was screaming with her with my arms both spread out reaching to hug her. The feeling to relief to see someone dear after being alone in a foreign land for so long was undescribeable. We decided to go inside the club to my ring of friends. I introduced her to all of them and they were all getting along fine. I was happy to see everyone getting along so well with each other.

Not long after that, few of her friends joined us. At that time I was already slightly tipsy from all the liquid gold that I drank to quench my thirst. I remembered clearly I was dancing on the dance floor and one of her friends approached me. She was wearing a black halter top with jeans and shiny dangling earrings. She was dancing with me and while we were at it, we mutually leaned into each other and then there it was, the fantasy of every guy which they would love to experience, two girls kissing. I knew I was tipsy and I could feel her lips on mine. Eventually I felt more than that. I felt her hands on my breasts. After the whole kissing scene, she told me her husband was not too far away. Hmm...what more can I expect? I kissed a married woman while I was out with my future-husband-to-be(my 5 yr deal). Not really a nice way to convince him that I would be a fit mother to his kids in 5 years' time is it?

I guess some of you would ask me if I enjoyed my little encounter with the lesbian wife and also question my sexual orientation. Well, I did enjoyed the kiss and I also enjoyed the undisclosed kiss I had with a guy that night!

Finding My Way : To Be Or Not To Be......

After many considerations, i thought that maybe it's about time my mum knew the awful truth. My heart raced as I dialled the number of her mobile slowly on my cordless phone. I waited for the dail tone and at the same time praying that maybe her mobile would have a constant beeping sound to indicate the line being busy or perhaps a recorded message going,"We're sorry. The number that you have dialed is currently unavailable. Please try again later. Thank you." My heart skipped a beat the moment the first ring tone beeped. Oh shit, how am I supposed to break this to her? What if she decides to disown me? What if she comes all the way to Dubai and beat the living crap out of me? What if she sends me to some catholic convent to get me exorcised? What if she sends me to some monastary in Nepal and lock me there for the next 10 years? The what if's were flying through my head so fast I could barely get a grip on which she would actually do.

The worst happened. She picked up,"Hello?" The urge and the temptation to just press on the hang up button was so great that I had to hold down my thumb with my other hand. She knew it would be me as she has caller-id on her mobile. "Na? Is that you?" For the first time in my life I felt it was so difficult for my voice to come out from my throat.(Yeah, I know many of you find that hard to believe) So I diverted my thoughts on something else and asked her many questions on how things were at home with our baby brother, Oscar and also with the whole family. Just when I was about to ask the next question, she beat me to it. She asked me back,"So, what's going on in your life now?" I was dumbfounded. I didn't know how to answer her. Many thoughts about my love life flashed past my mind and I was contemplating on whether to tell her the truth. The the words just came out from my mouth. Well, I practically drooled them out,"Mum, I think I might be gay".

My palms got all sweaty and fingers were icy cold. I feared for what her response would be. I could feel butterflies floating around in my tummy and the urge of hurling was so tempting. the pause I had to wait for her reply was so long I could have just died from the suspense of waiting. Then there it was, through the phone she layed it out on me. She laughed her head off. Was this supposed to be funny? How was this news amusing? How was my sexual disorientation a hilarious thing? Personally I think it's pretty serious, don't you think?

This was my future I was talking about. Would she not want grandchildren from one of her own flesh and blood? So, by her laughing is that supposed to be a green light for me to come out of the closet? Nothing seems to shock her anymore. When my younger sister told her about her dating a Nigerian guy she flipped and now I broke the news to her about me coming out and she laughed? How was this fair?

So continuing with the conversation with my mother, she asked what other options I had in my life. I briefly told her that I was not going to get married because I only wanted to marry one person but that didn't work out so I told her that I was able to give her granchildren but from another person. Prior to my phone call to her I came up with the most brilliant idea which is I made a deal with my friend Joe* that in 5 years' time, if nobody wanted us, we'd get hitched and have kids, living like nomads around the world. So 5 years' time, when I turn ungodly 28 years old, I would have babies with this friend of mine, Joe*. We would have Punjabi+Melanau+Chinese looking babies. I assured her that our kids would look really good should they inherit his big eyes and sharp nose plus my attractive features. She was calmed by that idea.

The best part was when I suggested the idea to Joe*, the response i got from him was that he liked my mum's fruitcake and that was the reason he agreed to my idea. Strange how a girl can work her way to a man's heart through his stomach.