Finding My Way : My New Place

After Sept 11 I was a total mess. I didn't want to do anything that was related to my past memories. Everything had to be new and different from before. That was what I thought was best for me. New house, new friends, new things, most of all new life. These were my ways of running away from my problems. I was always the best when it comes to situations like this. I would be the fastest runner around. It was a habit, whenever problem comes, I'd run away.

On Sept 20, I was constantly browsing the Internet for places to stay. I found one on Sept 26. It was suitable for one, and it the rent was quite affordable. After looking at the place for 10 minutes, the landlord didn't have to do much job in convincing me to take up the place, I immediately took out $200 and handed it to him. It was a deposit to keep the place. I wasn't planning on moving or anything but I was so lost that decisions were made with a snap of two fingers without much thought.

After Oct 14, he was around to help me with the cleaning and moving in some stuffs. It was in my mind to stop all confusion and get myself back on track by listing down what I really want in life. I honestly wanted to settle for a serious commited relationship with him. I did the ultimate... I asked him to move in with me.....although I was broke due to the nice sofa and designer dining table.

On Oct 23, he was there, lying on the empty ground in the living hall after a nice hot shower. The thought of sharing this new place with him was absolutely great. Images such as lazing on the couch to watch Queer As Folk, having my famous sphegetthi with him on the dining table, and him working on his laptop on the couch just flashed in front of me. I can't deny that it was a scary thing but at the same time, it was full of hope.