Finding My Way : My Past Love

I was thinking back on the guys that I dated before and it all started with the one guy who I was devastatingly in love with. He will always be my one true love.

Me :
I was labeled a 'tomboy' in high school. Was it true? Well, I was not really into make-up and all the things that normal girls would talk about, like boys and nail polish or even Brad Pit. I was more into basketball and climbing trees and fighting with boys. I never really had any crush on boys, and i came to the conclusion that something must be really wrong with me. Everyone else had raging hormones and were talking about kissing boys and making out, when i was merely watching wresting on tv and playing roughly with the boys. The girls would talk about the boys they were in to but never spoke a word to them. For me, it was more like clinging an arm on their shoulder and was treated like one of the guys.

How it started :
We were close pals when we were in high school, wresting, punching each other, doing typical guy stuffs.

We talked on the phone one night, and the conversation lasted 4 hours. That was the night he told me. Only after 3 years we found out that we did feel a little chemistry for each other from the start but never fessed up to anyone. On my side, I had kept this secret to myself for the whole 3 years and he, well, he never told anyone. He had to have a great friend to tell him that he was in love with me. It took him a while to realize that his friend was right all along. He fessed up to me. I was flattered but then in my head, i was confused. Should I have kept quiet about how I really felt about him and just kept things the way they were? Was I willing enough to give up my so-called boyish character to have something called a 'relationship'? Would I loose him as a friend?

I did the most insane thing that anyone could have done. I fessed up to him. He was the one guy my other girl friends have been eying on. Most of the girls in my high school wanted to date him because he was cute, but was I one of them? I was attracted to him for his personality, not his looks. I thought it would last for a lifetime, like any typical girl would. Though he may not have satisfied me sexually, it was his companionship that made the relationship lasted. It lasted for a year plus. We broke up due to some blurry reasons. After that we had not spoken to each other for almost two years. I lost weight and left for KL. He continued his studies and his life in Kuching. After two years, I came back to Kuching and had finally prepared myself to call him. I gathered all the strength in me to finally dial his number, wished him a Merry Christmas. I didn't know what else to say.. i blurted out the words "Would you like to go for a drink?", then I panicked.. Why the heck did I say that? Why did I ask him out to see him after not talking for two years? The two years were hard for me to forget him.. and now was I bringing trouble back by meeting him? Would I fall for him again? I was hoping not.. I knew i was able to be strong and not let anything get in my way...

The day came :
He came to pick me up. He had two girls and another guy with him. They were chinese and thin. I was filled with strange emothions, jealousy, anger, and also not forgetting how much i missed him. He brought all of us to some tea shop for a drink. I asked him for a cigarette and that was my first time asking him for a cigarette because I was very much into opposing his smoking habits when we were together. After a few uncomfortable hours with the chinese lot, he sent them home and we talked.

It was time for me to go home, and instead of sending me home, he took a detour and brought me to a Chinese fortune-teller (bomoh). I was shaking on my seat as the whole experience was scary. There was a shrine with red dim lights and statues of the Chinese Gods. This guy walks out with huge beads on his neck totally possesed and sounded strange. I was scared out of my witts. I nearly ran away. He pushed me back in my seat and told me everything was ok. How was it ok when this scary dude was possesed and it was already past midnight? What if the dude was so possesed and the Gods wanted to punish me for escaping classes? he calmed me down by massaging my shoulders. We went in the 'booth' and the dude was telling me about how i still felt strongly for this guy. I was embarassed as I didn't want him to know. But then things made a turn when the Gods told me that this guy felt the same for me as well. I was like "HaHa to you back!"

The time came :
We spent that night talking about what the Gods said to us..focusing more on about our feelings for each other. We got back together that night. To cut the long story short, we were together for one month only and had to break up because we were better off as friends. But i still do have a place for him in my heart, a very special place.