Finding My Way : I don't know

When problems come, they all come in a huge bulk. They do not come in little packages. As for me, the reflection from all incidents since Sept 11 has fucked up my mind a lot. Why i did it? The simple answer " i do not know". Although it has broken my heart, I still didn't know why it happened.
To that special someone who has given everything to me and willing to give up everything for me, please know that I do care for you, I do love you but I am not in love with you. I am sorry. The number of times I had to apologise because of the decisions I made and also the things I have said. Yes, I know it hurts the other party, but has the other part thought, it hurts me too? It hurts me more to know that that someone who was once special cannot be that someone whom she once met and knew before.
He blamed it on Wick, a guy I once was very in love with. Maybe he was right. Maybe I was in love with Wick still, maybe he didn't think that I knew that Wick and I wouldn't work out and that I know in reality that me and Wick will never be together and that Wick still has a special place in my heart. Did he know that? I didn't think so. Someone once told me, if you really love the other person, you will learn to let them go. Another goes along the lines of, The person who loves you the most may jus be the person who breaks your heart by not being the one to say "I Love You". Were those two wise saying true? I don't know. What is it that I am doing now?
Ever since Sept 11, I have been thinking of ways to move on.
1. I decided to shift out from my old place.
2. Decided to have new ring of friends.
3. Tried to accept him as a friend.
4. Trying to get new furnitures, new clothes, new things.
Are these simply ways of me trying to rid my old self and be new self? i don't know. I am currently seeing someone but it's not really on a serious note. Never had sex even. Do i love this new dude i am seeing? I don't know.